Fiery Passions

image with thanks to bmdo.org

This morning I was considering the element of fire in the context of relationship.

The Great Life, the spirit of this element, is associated in many cultures with the bond between heterosexual couples. In India the Lord Agni is invoked in matters of marriage, while Greek Hephaestus is coupled in myth with the lovely Aphrodite.

 In all cases the emphasis is on that association between heavenly fire and the life giving forces of nature – the union of masculine and feminine principles in the furnace of experience.

From the Celtic viewpoint a balance must be found between Nwyfre, the power of the material and sensual world, and Awen, the inspirational energy of pure Spirit. Neglect one or the other and expect blocked flow, confusion and abuse of self or another. Until I righted my life, quite recently, I seriously underestimated the importance of that word Balance. Whether the imbalance demonstrates as stubborn celibacy or sexual obsession, it is ultimately life-denying. When the scale is evenly poised you can feel the difference believe me.

Gift of Hephaestus

Heart Tender

Evoking

Life.

Lifting

Over rolling fire- waves with you

Awareness open

Greeting

Arousal.

Intimacy

Nears at-one-ment with you

Laminae shed

Obeying

Voiceless

Entreaties to

Re-forge this molten form with you.

The final part of Chapter 13, Drawing from Life

It was a weary group that journeyed back to Kerikeri and the evening dinner was a much more subdued affair than the previous night. There was more work scheduled for the afternoon of the next day. They were to shoot inside at the Hauru Falls Hotel which Rhona heard was an historic watering hole, mostly still decorated in authentic colonial style.

Almost immediately after dinner people began to drift away in ones and twos, heading for their motel rooms. Gracie had been yawning all evening so she and Rhona were among the first to make a move. Joe had been sitting with them. He got up to leave at the same time. Rhona noticed he looked exhausted too. Outside she said “I guess you’ll have an early night Joe, but it’s only eight thirty, would you like a night cap with us? Anna will be along soon too.”

Joe was quick to accept, ruffling Gracie’s hair adding “Only if we won’t interfere with this gannet’s sleep.”

Gracie nudged in between them, taking one hand of each, mumbling about how she was so wasted she would sleep through anything.

Rhona let them in to the unit and followed Gracie to her room to say good night. She came back to find Joe stretched out on the sofa bed. She saw he had already filled the tea pot and set out three mugs. It confirmed her observation that he didn’t drink as much as the other men in the party.

Rhona finished the process before curling herself into the armchair near Joe’s head. He propped himself up and took his mug from her. For a while they just sat. Eventually he asked her if she worked full time. It was only a conversation starter but she told him, told him about her secret painting too for some reason.

He shifted position as he listened, getting his feet over the edge of the arm rest. Rhona waited a bit before she said “Play fair. Tell me what you do.”

He tipped his head back a little and closed his eyes, frowning slightly. He recited a list

“Conservation architect private practice, poly-tech lecturer some of the time, a bit of theatre, commercials, oh all sorts.”

Rhona reached over and straightened his mug which was threatening to drop out of his grip. “Any one of those could be a full time job on their own. No wonder you’re so tired.”

He opened one eye and passed over his mug asking “Would you put that somewhere before I wear it please?” He was being evasive again, but she obliged by getting up to put it in the kitchen. She settled again and stayed quiet looking at the way his thick hair waved over his temples.

Eventually he spoke. “I’m tired because I didn’t sleep last night.”

Rhona tucked her legs further under her on the armchair and asked “Strange bed?”

“No. Nervous I guess.” She nodded and saw that he had opened both eyes and turned his head, watching for her reaction. “I suppose you think that’s wimpish”

She shook her head, a laugh starting in her eyes. “No I don’t. I think not giving me support on the beach today was wimpish. I can’t believe you would have played the noble savage for that little weasel.”

Joe leaned up on one elbow.  “You don’t pull your punches do you?”

She grinned mischievously “Not any more. I’m getting better at sticking up for myself, even Gracie thinks so.”

“No kidding”, he said with a grunt as he flopped over on to his back again.

Anna came in then, closing the door quietly behind her. She said “Oh this looks restful.”

and went straight through to her room, calling goodnight as she passed them. Joe broke the ensuing silence.“I’m glad we don’t work until the afternoon. Did you hear Justin offer the van for anyone who wants to go down to the Easter service tomorrow?

Rhona shrugged “I will stay here and have a quiet time I think.”

Joe sighed and rested his hands comfortably on his chest. He seemed very near sleep to her. “I am going home tomorrow evening after we finish. I’ll take my own car down and probably leave from the Falls.” There was a pause, as if he was waiting for her to comment. “I have a family obligation on Monday just south of Kawakawa.”

When Rhona asked “An unveiling?”, he turned his head suddenly.

“How did you know that?”

She shrugged. “Well it’s the traditional time for it. Was it someone close?”

“Yeah, my uncle.” He turned away and shut his eyes again. Rhona sipped and watched his hands rising and falling on his chest, looking at the long narrow fingers on his square hand. She found herself saying “Any way. You’re doing it again.”

“What?” he asked lazily. His eyes were still shut.

“Distracting me from the subject,” she answered.

His lips curled. “Where were we?”

“You were about to tell me what subjects you teach at the poly-tech.”

“Are you sure?” He turned again to look at her. “Most people ask me what a conservation architect does.”

Rhona raised an eyebrow. “I know what a conservation architect does, so I’m not asking. Also it’s obviously not a job you absolutely love to do, so why talk about it?”

He pushed himself up and swung around to sit with his knees touching her chair and leaned towards her. He was absolutely serious as he asked “Do you have the sight?”

She shrugged again. “It’s only observation. If you loved your job nothing would stop you filling your every waking moment doing it. Your head would be full of it and you would talk of little else.” He sat studying her. It was uncomfortable, being under such scrutiny.

He stood up and moved toward the door. “I’m sorry, I should go. Like Gracie says, I’m wasted.”

“Sure”, Rhona got up. She wondered what she had done to alarm him. He stepped out and stood looking down at her a moment before raising his hand and wishing her goodnight. As he left she called softly “Sleep easy Joe.”

Stock taking Time

Image from pininterest - to the anonymous donor- my thanks

A friend wrote to me today speaking about focus and direction in life.

It is the time of year when we turn naturally to stock taking, assessing what we wish to pursue in the future and what we would do well to leave behind.

As I read my friend's letter I saw in my mind the symbol of  a lightening bolt - and thought of the great connection between earth and sky. 

Symbolically this refers to that inner world and the ideal marriage of the masculine and feminine qualities in each of us, regardless of our physical gender. 

In setting our goals there is a tendency to rely on the driving power and analytical clarity of the Lord. Yet the Lady too has her contribution to make. The inner landscape is arid without the nourishment she offers - the passionate emotional connection to a vision, the abundance and beauty of a joyous engagement with life.

Drawing from Life

Chapter 13 continues:

The afternoon shoot was in a warm sheltered setting. Justin had chosen the quiet end of the beach at Russell, well away from the activity where the ferry docked at regular intervals. The trailer and the two vans had been moved up and the area roped off. Even so, quite a crowd of passersby had gathered to watch the proceedings. As they stood waiting Rhona teased Joe, saying the whole female population of Russell would be down on them in a minute. Two girls even nipped past the ropes to ask for his autograph and capture the moment on their phone cameras.

Rhona noticed Justin was much more active this afternoon. He had explained to her earlier that special occasion wear was his particular forte. There were six gowns, she knew that much. As they got underway she observed the stylist, Tracey, was working with Justin at her shoulder. Everything her team did was scrutinised and double checked. Joe was also subjected to the same perfectionism. Every change of suit was inspected and adjusted by the maestro.

For the first two changes they used the frontage and verandah of a two storey commercial building on the beach front. It was an old colonial weatherboard place, painted white. The extras all had to be dressed and arranged in settings. Rhona saw Anna was everywhere at once. Mickey had started making sarcastic remarks and throwing his arms about. Before they had finished the first three sets Rhona could feel the tension crackling around her.

Returning to the trailer for her fourth change Rhona heard Tracey reading the riot act to her team, asking the girls to pull out their very best.  Gracie was standing near the door and Rhona gave her a quick kiss as she passed. “You OK?” she whispered

“Yeah, good Mum.”
 “Do you think you could find these girls a round of cold drinks Gracie? They are all working so hard.”

Gracie nodded. “I’ll do it myself. Anna’s busy.”

“Good for you. See what you can rustle up.”

Tracey turned to her as she stepped in and grabbed her elbow.  “Oh, Rhona, good. Justin was just in here saying we have to do the plum gown next or we’ll miss the tide. We thought it was last but…” She released Rhona to be undressed but stood close by as she continued. “Now do you know what you’re doing with that one? There is a dinghy – Mickey will explain. Just try to keep the dress dry will you?”

Emerging a little later Rhona caught sight of Gracie coming towards the trailer with slow deliberate steps and intense concentration. She was carrying an enormous tray with rows of cold soft drink bottles on it.

She called out “Well done Gracie. Did you raid the vans?”

“Yep. Good luck Mum” Gracie called back, looking very pleased with herself.

 Rhona waved and remembered to lift her dress before she stepped out. “Right”, she muttered under her breath. “Let’s hope the water’s warm.”

As she came onto the grass verge, beside the trees, she saw Mickey was pacing up and down, still waving his arms about. Justin was standing nearby with Joe. Mickey’s voice carried clearly up to her. “Christ Justin. I want this to work. She’s really not up to it.” Rhona paused to listen, but Justin’s answer was inaudible. She saw a dinghy was wedged in the sand and two of the crew were standing nearby giggling over it. They were obviously supposed to hold it steady. Her stomach tripped and settled. They had a plank ready for her to walk up with dry feet at least. She forced her chin up and her shoulders back and walked down to join them. As she approached Joe was saying. “I hope you don’t intend to use this one in New Zealand. The press would hang you.”

As she reached the group Rhona noticed a collection of old style tea chests and wooden boxes, with oars and nets, had been arranged on the sand. Three of the extras were dressed in the costume of nineteenth century sailors. She nodded to Justin who, for the first time all weekend, was looking seriously displeased. Joe was in formal evening attire. He was standing with his hands on his hips facing Mickey. No one appeared to notice her until she said quietly “So was this your idea Mickey?”

The photographer just sneered at her, but Justin said in a frigid voice “Mickey thought a stage setting would show off the gown. It’s rather more than I had intended.”

She looked at Joe “and you agreed to it?” When he shrugged and looked away into the distance she said “Well. Interesting” in a voice which implied it was all tedious in the extreme. “I can see it doesn’t need much more than an enthusiastic Australian to come up with such an appalling pastiche of colonial iconography. Can I assume a long view of the European frontier architecture behind will be included, in case the viewer fails to interpret the props intended to replicate the First Landing?”  It was her longest speech all weekend and her first rhetorical question. Perhaps it was the effect of the queenly dress, she thought, but the whole scenario really did disgust her.

She swept her arm out in a wide circle “Unbelievable. I must say I am all amazement.” In the ensuing silence she looked about, incredulous at the stupidity of the situation. Justin finally said “Now hang on Rhona I haven’t…” He had taken her arm but she turned to Mickey, who was looking at her with loathing. In what she hoped was a business-like way, she said “Mickey, I have great respect for your creativity but unfortunately we have strayed into bad taste here. Taking your excellent concept of a Landing, perhaps we could simply change the theme.” He started to object but Justin had just encouraged her with a gentle pressure on her elbow, so she swept on. “How about a little old fashioned romance? We can keep the dinghy, lose the jolly sailors and the long view, and bring in your extra bodies dressed as wedding guests. What do you say?”

Immediately Mickey shook his head. “No way” He shoved his face into hers “That’s just old tat. I…” Rhona smiled beatifically and held her physical space. She noticed Joe had cowardly removed himself to stand chatting with the boys by the boxes. She turned bodily to Justin so that Mickey was obscured. “Man gets his woman is a better seller than old world meets new, don’t you think?”

Justin looked past her to speak his reply to Mickey. “Yes I do think so. I’m not comfortable with the other option. We could…”

“Yes of course we could.” Rhona made a brittle smile and turned to back to Mickey. “Don’t worry you can still make me walk the plank. We’d better hurry though, the tide’s turned.”

Justin, with his hand on her back, took control. He told Mickey to work with Joe and Rhona while he organized the crowd scene. Assuming that was the end of the matter, he walked quickly up towards the trailer, calling for Tracey to join him.

Mickey breathed into her face. “You are not going to get the better of me woman.”   She set a pleasant smile on her lips and was saved from having to answer by Joe coming up to ask them what was happening.

Mickey just scowled but Rhona said briskly “What’s happening is I start throwing my weight around in the air instead. You have to stand your ground and catch me OK?” She looked a challenge at him.

Joe buried his head in his shoulders comically “Ouch that was blunt.” 

Mickey snorted. There was a silence before the photographer pushed his sleeves up. “OK.  Get in the bloody boat Rhona.”

Joe went down to the water before her and checked the dinghy was wedged firmly in the sand. The assistants crouched down in the water to steady it, grimacing at the cool temperature. Rhona quipped about joining them soon and walked up the provided board, holding her hems clear of the water. Joe came and stood ankle deep looking anxious.

“It’s not warm is it Joe?” she asked playfully.

“No but you are. You’re very impressive when you’re provoked.”

“You wait buddy. If I take a swim doing this, look out.” She smiled angelically and stood waiting for Mickey’s signal. She saw Justin had come back onto the beach, looking more like his composed self. She noticed the photographer coming towards them now.

“Right Joe” she said, focusing on his dark, worried eyes. “I would hate to give the little ferret an excuse to go back to his original plan so we have to make this look convincing. You’re an actor. Act like you’re passionately in love with me, OK?

Joe nodded, a smile starting at the corners of his mouth, “Right, shouldn’t be hard.”

The helpers beside her were chortling.

“Not funny Romeo,” she quipped. “Whatever the other guy says I go when you’re ready and not before.”

Mickey came to the water’s edge and called to her “Try to look the part Rhona. We need some excitement, some energy. When I signal you jump.”

Rhona shook her head. “No. When Joe calls I jump and you capture the moment. That’s the deal.”

He gave her the fingers and marched further up the beach to their right. Joe cleared his throat and the boys beside her were silent. He said quietly “Remind me not to get on your bad side. You’ve upset him now.”

“Too bad.” Rhona took a deep slow breath. “Now where were we?”

“Um, in love?”  He was frowning as if he was really trying to remember.

“Right.”  She started to giggle. “This is such a farce.”

“Yeah I know”, he was laughing now. “Jump” he added casually.

“What?”

“Jump” 

“Hey that’s so unfair. Mickey can’t hear you and I’m not ready.”

He snorted. “When is a woman ever ready?”

“Oh-you’re just as bad.”  Louder she called “Catch” and jumped towards him. Joe caught her smoothly and swung her around on to the sand, dropping her lightly. The train of the dress was damp but she didn’t care. She clung onto him, breathing hard. “Perfect” she whispered.

“No not perfect. The man is supposed to lead.” Their eyes locked and they grinned at each other. Rhona heard someone call her name and looked up to see Justin coming over to them.

“Rhona. That was perfect.” He was beaming and she looked triumphantly at Joe. “How about one more for luck – we have the crowd here now look.”

So she marched back up the provided plank for the second time and stood in the boat waiting for Mickey to signal he was ready. As she scanned the beach she said quietly

“OK. There’s the all clear. You call it this time.”

“Sure?” Joe asked, teasing.

She looked at him with a demure face “Sure.”

 “Come on then,” he said matter-of- factly

“Now?”

He threw his head back and laughed “You are still arguing Rhona.” He held out his arms in front of him and yelled at the top of his voice “NOW”.

She sprang toward him. It was clear from the line of her body that she relished the sensation. Joe caught her higher this time and twirled her faster, but they kept their footing. Once more she landed breathless, but dry, on the beach. They heard applause from behind them and she smiled confidently up at him.  “My you are a romantic after all.”

He just looked steadily down at her with laughing eyes and said nothing. Suddenly he picked her up, bride-like over his arm, and carried her up the beach to where Justin was standing. She submitted without fuss, despite her initial surprise. She noticed Mickey caught that moment as well.

Depositing her gently on her feet, Joe said to Justin. “There. I’ve fixed her now, she’s speechless. Next change?” She could tell Justin was well pleased. He looked a question at her.  By way of an answer she curtseyed theatrically before picking up her hems and scurrying back to the trailer with a broad grin on her face.

A Prayer for my global family on the Eve of Christmas

May the light of love touch our hearts in this Season

May the words of the Great Master the Christ be ever in our minds and on our lips

May we be a beacon of light, a peaceful presence for all whose lives we touch.



St Francis put it better than I can with his powerful invocation:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.Where there is hatred, let me sow love.Where there is injury, pardon.Where there is doubt, faith.Where there is despair, hope.Where there is darkness, light.Where there is sadness, joy.O Divine Master,grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;to be understood, as to understand;to be loved, as to love.For it is in giving that we receive.It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.


Chapter 13 drawing from Life:

It was breakfast at 6.30am. Joe gave Rhona a bright-eyed smile as she made a bee line for the coffee pot. She rolled her eyes and left him to attack his pyramid of wheat biscuits. At exactly seven she made it to the van where she had to field his cheerful query “Don’t you do mornings Rhona?” She told him she was husbanding her energy and tried to ignore the clownish face he made to express his utter disbelief. At least he had the sense not to talk to her all the way down to Russell and over to Long Bay. By the end of the drive she was feeling more human and just brave enough to face the job in hand. It was so unfair of Joe to look so completely laid back about it all. She was utterly petrified.

It transpired that Justin needed Mickey to discuss some technical details with him that morning, so for the first few changes Rhona worked with the assistant photographer Al. Al was young and a little nervous too. Next to Joe Davis he looked positively anorexic in his ribbed jersey and skinny jeans. His narrow boyish face was pinched as he fiddled with his equipment, telling Rhona he was probably just as nervous as she was.

Joe stood nearby encouraging them both. Once she got over the stage fright Rhona found herself enjoying the play acting and the pace of the work. Her favourite was a diaphanous, ice- blue wrap, which she wore over a lilac one piece bathing suit. Al said it reminded him of his Mum’s Enya CD’s which amused her greatly, but gave her clues to the ethereal feel he was aiming for. By the time Mickey took over they were onto day wear and Rhona was able to match his more accelerated pace and direct macho style with an edge of her own.

They finished ahead of the schedule and were driving into Russell township just before midday. When they climbed from the van outside the old church Rhona saw that the extras had arrived and were getting their instructions from Anna. Gracie was there helping too, and she gave her a wave. The men pointed themselves resolutely towards the garden bar of the hotel, which left Rhona free until 1.30 when the tide would be right for the last session near the wharf.

She wandered about the churchyard as she waited to share lunch with Gracie and Anna. Her fingers itched to photograph the place and for the first time in ages she was without her sketch pad. She had to satisfy herself with tracing the musket holes in the church weather boards with her fingers. It irritated her and she made her way back to the van to sit on the step. She saw that Gracie and Anna had disappeared. That irritated her too. She lit a cigarette and leant back with the sun on her face wondering what the real source of the anger was. She tried to focus on all the sounds she could hear instead of listening to a pointless tape of self-sabotaging thoughts. She listened to the background noise of voices from the hotel and the ferry docking at the wharf. Closer to hand was the sound of boots crunching on gravel. She turned her head to see Joe walking slowly over to the van. She waved to him without getting up. She wasn’t sure she wanted company. He came and perched next to her telling her lunch was underway. “Were you having a nap?”

Rhona pulled a face. “No. I got grumpy so I’m taking time out. I’ve been over at the church.”

Joe grunted and told her how much restoration the church needed. When she asked him how he knew so much about it he looked evasive. She wondered why. He stretched his long legs out beside her little ones and she saw him smile at the juxtaposition in front of them. Finally she said “You don’t live here then?”

Joe laughed quietly. “No. My family connections are here though.”

Rhona nodded. When he didn’t add anything further she turned to him with a curious little frown on her face. “I don’t understand.”

He gazed at her steadily. She detected a slight challenge there. “Which bit don’t you understand?”

“I know your family connections are here. It’s written on your face remember? The way you move suggests some social standing. So I assume you act and model for light relief, as some sort of break from whatever else you do, yet you tell me you’re an actor.”

Joe stood up and leaned his shoulder against the van, standing over her, grinning.

“Are you getting grumpy with me now?”

Rhona smiled. She couldn’t stay sour when he looked like that. “Probably. Especially now you are trying to distract me so you don’t have to answer my nosey questions.” He was probably regretting his friendly overtures, she thought. She looked beyond him and said “Anyway you’re saved. Here comes Anna.”

He shook his head at her, still smiling before he walked away, erect and comfortable, as if he was used to covering long distances on foot. He made Anna laugh at something he said on the way past.

Rhona got up to take the mug and roll she was offered and asked Anna if she was escaping too. Anna nodded. “It’s going to be frantic later. I asked Gracie to wait for Joe by the way.” She smiled conspiratorially. “I hope I wasn’t interrupting anything.”

Just the smell of the roll was helping Rhona feel more positive. “No. We were talking about the old church.”

Sitting together on the step, the ladies ate in silence for a while. They had a good view of all the comings and goings without having to get involved. Anna pointed out a few of the people who had come in just for the day. She said quite a lot of them were design students from the Auckland polytech’. They were all to be organised into what Mickey called his “crowd scenes” she said.

When they finished lunch Rhona made to get up but Anna pulled her back down saying

“We have another ten minutes. Make the most of it. There will be no peace until we are back in this van on the way back to Kerikeri.”

Tonight I wanted to talk about pain. Not my own but the pain experienced by a friend.

There are some situations in life where we must stand aside, out of love for our friend, and let them walk where they will through the issues confronting them. With respect for their independent life choices,   we refrain from hindering their progress. With trust in their integrity we allow them space to walk freely according to their own code of honour. With understanding of the soul nature and forebearance with the frailties of personality we honour the whole person who is our friend. Finally, when the opportunity arises to assist we do so with a loving heart and helping hands. This is my understanding of the ancient wisdom.
Only it is not easy to see a friend suffer pain, not easy to resist the strong call to relieve them of it. Yet if we do so, not only do we steal their opportunity for growth, but we guarantee the lesson will return to them again in another guise and the responsibility for that occurrence would rightly be laid at our door.

 “The three foundations of friendship: respect and trust, understanding and 

forbearance, a loving heart and helping hands.”  

An Irish Triad

Drawing from Life contd:

Rhona and Gracie arrived in Kerikeri late on Good Friday afternoon. As they drove in the motel car park Justin strode out of the office to greet them. He looked even more debonair in person than he had appeared on the screen. Opening her car door for her he said “Ah Rhona there you are, and Gracie, welcome. Just leave your bags a moment. We will get together in the dining room first. You can meet everyone there.” His manner suggested he had known them all his life and Rhona felt some of her anxiety lift as she shook hands with him.

Another car pulled up in the space next to hers. “Ah here’s my other model,” Justin went to meet the driver and brought a tall man over to be introduced to them.

“Rhona meet Joe Davis. Joe this is Rhona Manners.” He glanced toward the office. “Will you excuse me? I’ll see you in the dining room,”

Rhona shook hands with her new associate. Joe was a dark haired, broad shouldered man. His narrow hipped figure was accentuated by slim fitting black jeans and a grey T shirt. Rhona guessed he was not much over forty, yet his bearing suggested the composure of an older man. As she met his glance she realised, from the light in his dark brown eyes, that he had a keen intelligence and ready sense of humour. She was taken with the way his full facial tattoo enhanced the fine bone structure of his face. Her fingers itched to trace the beautiful spirals and whorls tracking across his cheekbone to the bridge of his aquiline nose. She decided he must be used to such admiration. He was a model after all.

She turned a little to include Gracie. “Joe I’d like you to meet Gracie Manners.” Blushing to the roots of her hair, Gracie shook his hand. She started to say “I’ve…” but she had to swallow and start again. Rhona watched Joe hide his smile and wait graciously for the girl to find her voice. Gracie’s reaction surprised her. She hadn’t thought of her daughter as shy.

“I’ve seen you on TV haven’t I?” Gracie managed to get it all out that time. A little “oh” escaped from Rhona when she realised why her daughter was so discomposed. Joe showed more of his even teeth. “You probably have. I do commercials and a few parts in local productions.  I’m not very experienced at modeling yet so I’m looking forward to this weekend. How about you?”

Gracie giggled, still blushing and looked over at her mother. “I’m looking forward to it but I’m not the model, Mum is. I’ve just come to watch.”

“I wouldn’t know about that Gracie. You both look like models to me.”

The ladies were saved from having to answer that compliment. Anna came out to say hello and asked if Gracie could be spared to help her. They went off arm in arm, brown-haired heads together like confederates with confidences to share. Rhona and Joe watched them go. She took his arm as they began to walk across to the dining room  “Be warned Joe I’m the camp novice.”

“True?” She saw he wasn’t having much success hiding his amusement. “That’ll be what Justin meant when he said you were undiscovered talent.”

“Ha” Rhona hooted with delight. “What a euphemism.” The sound made several others look their way. About twenty people were standing about in little knots of three or four. They were just outside the dining room door.

A short blond man appeared at the door and asked them all to come inside.  Joe smiled at her as he reached over to hold the door open, “My money’s on the boss, Rhona. I have a feeling he knows his business.” When she looked up at him he took advantage of the eye contact to say “Tell me, do you always take a fellow’s arm when you first meet him?” Rhona gasped and her eyes widened.  “Oh I’m so sorry. I never thought…”

“No I guessed that. I heard you were out of the ordinary.”

Her eyes widened still further, with laughter this time. “What a worry.” Blushing, she looked away from him and caught the signal as Justin gestured to Joe. 

She had seen Justin assessing them together from the other side of the room. She guessed it was his first opportunity to see his “new talent” side by side and he seemed pleased with the effective contrast between them. As Joe walked away Rhona watched the way he moved, so centered and easy in his body. Perhaps it was just that broad shouldered men naturally walked like athletes.

Rhona was amused by the youth camp atmosphere at the motel that first night. Everyone ate together and Justin circulated the tables, shamelessly using a combination of humour and practised charisma to ensure that everyone felt crucial to the success of the weekend. She recognised and appreciated his manner as an effective management style, but also detected an evangelical commitment to his industry. He took his role as leader and mentor seriously. She wondered what his private persona was like – still serene and focused, as Charlie had suggested, or volatile and expressive?

Across at the next table from Rhona the photographer, Mickey, was holding court to an audience of three over groomed young women. He was an Australian aged about thirty with short spiky blond hair. Both his ears held a collection of three or more sleepers and studs of various sorts. He was short and slightly built, but well aware of his boyish charm and the devastating effect of his smile. While Rhona had liked his witty conversation when she met him, his blue eyes had made her feel uneasy. They seemed assessing somehow.

At her own table all three ladies present were made completely at ease by Joe’s comfortable manner. Rhona noticed the way he encouraged Gracie to talk about herself and her interests. He had an obvious rapport with young people but she wondered if he was also keeping control of the dinner conversation that way. He discovered far more about each of them than he revealed about himself. At the same time she instinctively trusted the relaxed feeling she had sitting beside him and decided the omens were good for their work together.

The Sutras of Patanjali  Book 1  verse 15 states

"Non-attachment is freedom from longing for all objects of desire, earthly or traditional, either here or hereafter." 

The symbol here is the fish swimming in matter, in the astral waters or emotional attachment to that which is material. 

Similarly the Celtic salmon speaks to us of  the wisdom such understanding brings.

This means, I have discovered today, that for non-attachment to be achieved, even the most persistent and pervasive dreams for one's life must be released in order to free the soul from the desire for form life.

Non- attachment is the goal, no doubt achieved over many lives. It is right and fitting, however, that we should practise it as much as we are able in each and every round.

I'm working on it.

The final part of Chapter 12:

The next Monday evening Rhona received her final instructions. They were to be in Kerikeri by six on Friday evening. Gracie was keen to know where they would be staying.  They sat together in the kitchen and went over the itinerary. Justin had booked out a whole motel in Kerikeri, which was to be the base camp from which they would travel to various locations. He was flying up Thursday with the photographer and crew. Everything was set up to shoot all day Saturday and possibly part of Sunday but they needn’t check out until Monday morning. There was studio work in Auckland scheduled for the following week.

Gracie went off to answer the phone, zipping back to her mother to say it was Philip wanting to know if it was convenient for him to call around to see them. Rhona hadn’t expected to hear from him after Friday’s episode. How odd, she thought. He would hardly have left it so long if he was going to apologise for the other night.

Gracie was in her pyjamas and dressing gown, but she opened the door to Philip when he arrived. He had never been to the house before. From the kitchen Rhona heard him make Gracie laugh with some clever remark. As he took the seat Gracie offered him in the lounge Rhona came through with a tray. “Hello there. I hope you’re not catching Charlie’s taste for conspiracy.” She poured coffee and offered him drambui saying “You see I provide the Dutch courage. What are you up to?”

He ignored Rhona’s comments, only smiling at her before asking Gracie if her parent was always so pessimistic.

The girl laughed and shook her head. “You know she isn’t. She’s just had a lot of surprises lately, eh Mum?”

Rhona sat in the Victorian nursing chair she had bought herself recently and looked with pretend spite at her daughter before she turned back to Philip. She wondered if she should go easy on him after their last encounter, and decided against it. She was smiling, playfully “To what do we owe the honour this evening?”

He reached into his jacket and extracted two square packages. Standing up to pass them over he made a playful bow “Here you are. One each.”

“Oh how lovely.” Rhona asked the obvious. “Is it a CD?”

One side of his mouth was twitching as he said seriously “Truly madam you are a genius. Open it and see.” Before he sat himself down again. Gracie had the wrapper off hers “Cool New Order. Oh way cool. Thanks heaps Philip. How did you …oops”

He raised his eyebrows.  “You wish to know how one so ancient knew what you liked?” Gracie laughed and nodded “By devious means. I checked the history on the gallery lap top. There were nearly a hundred to choose from.” He saw Gracie’s face change and she began to bite her lip in just the way her mother did when she was bothered.

“No, no,” he said smiling, “I told you it was fine to use it. I hope you enjoy playing that at the motel or in the car. It’ll be a novelty for you after all those downloads.”

Meanwhile Rhona had unwrapped hers and was holding it on her lap, watching the exchange. As he turned to her his voice was softer, asking her if it would do.

He had found an early recording of Jacqueline du Pre with the London Symphony. It was the Elgar E minor Concerto.

“I don’t know what to say,” Rhona said avoiding his eyes. “It means a great deal to me.” She was thinking : It's a mistake to read too much into this, my girl. Every time you see him he touches a raw nerve somewhere.  “Look Gracie.” She passed the CD across.

“That’s the coolest Philip” Gracie got up to give him a hug, carefully dodging his coffee cup. Rhona saw how unused he was to spontaneous displays of affection, though he covered it well with another joking remark. Gracie remembered she had practice in the morning and realized she should be in bed on time. As she was saying goodnight to her mother she whispered “Show him your work.” Rhona frowned and shook her head as she went off to her room.

There was a brief silence while Rhona debated how to get around that bombshell. She glanced at Philip who was watching his liqueur closely as he gently revolved the glass. Eventually she said “We are driving up to Kerikeri. I will enjoy better music that I expected, thank you.” He looked at her then and she was surprised to notice that his eyes were hazel.  Somehow she had always imagined they were green, like her own. She tried to think of a way to explain, about last Friday, but in the silence he said “Do you remember you promised to tell me what it was you were doing that was so much more diverting than selling trivia in my gallery?”

Her eyes widened. “I never said it was trivia.” He continued to regard her steadily. She made a lop-sided smile. “I suppose you heard Gracie did you?”

He kept his face expressionless. “I make it a policy never to eavesdrop.”

Rhona blew out her cheeks and put down her cup. There seemed to no escape. Collecting her liqueur glass she stood up.  “All right. Just promise- no false diplomacy. Come with me.” She led the way to the spare room, her satin house shoes clipping on the wooden floor.

Rhona held the door wide and gestured to the easel and the small stack of primed but unmarked canvasses. She waved him in. “Take a look. There’s not much to see yet.” He stood a moment in front of the easel which had an outline sketch resting on it, before turning slowly until he was directly in front of her. Looking down into her defiant, upturned face he said levelly “Show me the rest.”

Rhona rolled her eyes. “In the wardrobe. Help yourself. I’m going to clean up.” She tried to dodge out again but he blocked her exit with his arm across the doorway. “Oh no”, he said firmly, “take your medicine. Show me.”

She scowled at him but at least he hadn’t grabbed her again. “Oh honestly,” she was trying to sound exasperated. As she balanced her glass on the window ledge she added “I never knew you could be so provoking.”

She threw open the double doors and started to hand out the completed canvasses. There were only four. Philip lined them up against the wall and moved the easel to one side. The light wasn’t ideal but he could see well enough. Rhona stayed by the wardrobe with her arms folded over her middle, chewing her lip and watching his face.

 This was the ghastly part of the painting process – having it assessed by An Authority. Worse still an Authority of considerable experience and high integrity to whom she would listen- and respect. Eventually he looked over at her and said in an impersonal way “Keep going.” He paused and looked at the work again before he said “The compositions are good. I suppose there are twenty-two planned are there? Ambitious- good on you.” He moved up to help her put them away. She couldn’t look at him until he lightly touched her hand. His fingertips were dry and warm on her skin.  His “Thank you” was delivered in a formal way and then he left her to herself.

When she came out a moment later he was standing in the middle of the lounge, arms at his sides, feet slightly apart, facing toward the bookshelves. She hesitated, watching his stance for signs of tension, wondering what had fixed his attention. Aware of her presence, he turned and said briskly “Well, good luck for the Easter job. I had better be going.”

Rhona nodded and pulled at the sleeve of her light knit dress. For a moment she expected him to say something else to her. As she opened the front door she managed to say “Thank you for the CDs and, you know, the encouragement. You are very kind.”

Philip passed out on to the step. “Maybe, but that’s not why I came.” Before she thought to ask him what he meant, his dark green Rover was moving out of the drive.