Storm image courtesy tvnz

A week ago there was a tornado in Auckland. The course it followed was narrow, but the focused activity of this unlooked for event wrought havoc for those in it's path. 

Something of a similar nature occurred in my life this week past - an inner event of incredible power and I am still in a state of shock - we both are. The whole structure of life was blown in by it- to such an extent I found myself "acting out" old personality models I had thought long extinct.

Sobering? Certainly, and today I craved peace. Tidying up in my lounge I lifted a library book from  the chair where I had left it days ago. My eye fell on this paragraph:

"Peace must ever be temporary and refers to the world of feeling and to conditions susceptible of disturbance. 

It is essential to progress, and an inevitable happening, that every step forward is marked by disturbance, by points of crisis and chaos, replaced later ( when successfully handled) by periods of peace. 

But this peace is not serenity. Serenity ...is intensity of feeling transmuted into understanding." p750 Discipleship in the New Age, the Tibetan & Alice Bailey

So, Serenity is the goal then - I'm working on it.

Drawing from Life

Chapter 12

A preliminary session of studio work with Justin’s team was booked for the first week of April. With her independent transport now organised, Rhona was able to establish some efficient new routines. The school year started and she was very aware of the fact that she had only nine weeks until Easter. In that time she wished to optimise her fitness and appearance, as well as prioritising her own creative work. Under her new regime she left the house when Gracie went to school. She pounded the pavement for an hour. Thirty minutes of yoga followed after. Ablutions and meditation concluded her preliminaries so that she ready to begin work at nine o’clock.

Rhona refused to answer the door when she was painting. She stopped for lunch at one and answered any phone messages. It was painful at first but she became expert at politely refusing to be available to anyone until after four in the afternoon. She returned to her work room at 1.30 and kept going until Gracie got home. She still kept to her commitments at Gracie’s school, and to Paul. She still walked with Charlie on Fridays, but the first three days of the week were hers alone.

More than once she was tempted to explain to Charlie what she was doing, but each time she stopped herself. It made for an unusual reticence between them. Secrecy had not characterised their relationship before. Eventually he joked that if she wanted to live the life of a hermit that was fine by him. He might have joked about it but Rhona could tell he was hurt that she wasn’t asking him for advice these days. She tried to explain to him that it was a novelty for her, being able to be completely independent. Privately, she wondered why her being self reliant was so irritating to everyone else. These days all she heard was “you’ve changed” as if she had contracted some anti-social disease.

The only person who wasn’t complaining about it was Philip. She decided that was because he had already used his astute mind to figure out exactly what she was doing- either that or he simply wasn’t interested enough to be concerned about her affairs. Anyway she was hardly a hermit, whatever Charlie might say. In the evenings she had begun to explore her other interests. Some nights she chose to stay home and read but her face was becoming known at midweek evening art and antique auctions. Often she bumped into Philip out buying for clients. Gracie came along sometimes and got a shock when her mother outbid Philip in a highly disciplined and rather ruthless coup. Rhona explained there was no room for sentiment in business. Gracie laughed when her mother blew it by admitting she had fallen in love with the little bronze sculpture and was prepared to kill to get her hands on it whatever the cost.

Rhona knew Gracie didn’t share her passion for classical music so she began to go out alone to concerts. She was never unsafe, simply exposed and vulnerable. Several times she met Philip at these venues as well. He was also on his own, but never alone. Usually very gracious and friendly, in that impersonal way he had, he never hesitated to introduce her to any of his acquaintances attending the concerts.  She sometimes thought the company of any one at all would have added immensely to her enjoyment of these outings, but she knew of no one else who loved the music, apart from him.

One evening, towards the end of March, Philip joined her for drinks during the interval of a chamber music concert. Rhona mentioned her trepidation over the upcoming modeling assignment. She thought he was just being polite, listening attentively as she explained how she had hoped to be in perfect health and full of confidence by the time Justin Clarke arrived in the country- only it hadn’t turned out that way.

When he said “Assume a virtue if you have it not” she quipped that Shakespeare was hardly likely to save her this time. His response was unnervingly serious and it made her uncomfortable. He didn’t laugh and toss some quip back to her like he usually did. He practically sermonized- stressing his point that belief creates the form, not the reverse. He finally came back to specifics telling her she was already beautiful, healthy and confident.  He left to take his seat immediately afterwards, leaving her on her own in the crowded lounge, wondering what it all meant. It was most unlike him.