An Appeal to Parents

Please turn your attention to the well known statement: “as a man thinks so is he”.

Ask the question: How am I affecting the patterns of thought my children are developing?

I don’t wish to add another burden to the already onerous task of raising a family but to emphasise the duty of care we have to the mental and spiritual health of our children. By simply being aware of this issue we can be a powerful agent for positive change – in our homes and in our wider networks.

Thoughts are real and tangible forms, though unseen they  colour the world, forming beliefs which set the pattern for all activity in life.

What to do? Here a just a couple of suggestions:

Guard speech – by which I mean be aware of the affect of the words you use around children. Such throw away phrases as “I can’t afford it” or “just put up with it” when heard habitually from an adult create a firmly held belief in hardship and suffering.

Praise often and with genuine affection. There is no danger of raising an egotistical monster here. Your sincere expression of appreciation fosters a healthy sense of self worth in your child. This builds a firm basis of self esteem which will carry them through the stormy sea of adult life.

Seek to protect the little ones from the violent, prurient and fear generating affects of world media. Images and words have power, especially those absorbed subliminally. This can be as simple switching off the TV news, or refusing to discuss some world tragedy in front of your child.

Parents have great power as well as great responsibility, but it is not a task we undertake alone. It is a group activity this raising of young ones. By our positive action we can change the thought life of the whole wider community – and make a positive contribution of service to the world. Awesome. 

Chapter 12 of out story continues:

Justin’s tour manager arrived the next day, ahead of the main party. Rhona met her over coffee at her hotel. Anna Batistich was a tall, no nonsense brunette, a native of Croatia who had worked with Justin for the last five years. She emphasised the fact that Rhona’s inexperience was a virtue in this case. It was the untutored spontaneity and vivacious energy they had seen in Paul’s snapshots of her that clinched her selection for this shoot.

Rhona felt most of her anxieties over the project evaporating as the morning wore on. She and Anna had a similarly direct style of conversation and ironic sense of humour. That made for easy understanding between them as they discussed the programme for the long weekend. She came away from the meeting perfectly clear as to what was, and was not, expected of her. There were plans for Gracie’s involvement too, but Anna refused to reveal them until such time as the girl could speak for herself. They were to meet soon enough, at the barbeque Charlie and Paul were hosting the following Friday evening.

Rhona and Gracie pulled up outside Charlie’s house at the same time as Philip. Rhona was surprised to see him there and teasingly asked if he was giving up art to follow fashion. He explained as they walked up the path together that Charlie and Paul had suddenly realised they owed him a dinner invitation. Gracie laughed at the face he pulled as he said he suspected he was about to be embroiled in one of Charlie’s schemes.

Rhona thought that was a less than honest answer. Paul had already mentioned to her how Philip seemed very interested in what he called the “Easter Event.” He had complained about sitting through an interminable evening listening to Charlie and Philip discussing designers and men’s apparel ad infinitum. Rhona already knew Philip took his wardrobe seriously. He was a perfectionist in that compartment of his life just as he was in every other respect.

He was certainly showing to advantage tonight, she thought as she watched him laughing with Charlie. He looked so relaxed and at ease following the host out to the barbeque. He wasn’t wearing a jacket tonight. Rhona decided it must have been the first time she had seen him without one. She was sure that was why she hadn’t noticed until now how toned his figure was. Trust him, she thought, he probably fits a gruelling exercise regime into his daily schedule.

Rhona found Anna in the kitchen, talking food with Paul, who was explaining his views on the folly of talking business at meal times. When he began to describe the harmful effects of stress on the digestive system Rhona dragged her away to meet Gracie and Philip. As a concession to Paul everyone tried hard to avoid talking “shop” but Charlie failed so miserably Rhona could see the night turning into a summit meeting.

It wasn’t long before Anna had drawn Rhona and Gracie aside. In her direct way she addressed Gracie telling her “Because it is not a big assignment for me this time, it is a good chance for me to give a young person some work experience.” She was smiling as she said “Would you be interested in being that person?” Gracie was unable to do more that nod and mumble “Choice. Yes please.” Anna turned to assure Rhona that her daughter would be well taken care of.  “Justin feels this would ease your mind- she will be chaperoned while you are working.”

Rhona was unprepared for the suggestion and uneasy about agreeing to anything without full information. She began “Oh. Let’s not...” but stopped as she felt Philip lean in close to her shoulder. How he had materialised at that precise moment? He was whispering “say yes. You won’t regret it.”

Amazed and irritated she turned to give him a frosty stare. He simply returned her gaze with an amused look of his own. Rhona failed to see any humour in the situation. She was determined not to look away before he did. She heard Gracie asking “Could you maybe tell me a bit more about it please Anna? Then Mum and I can talk about it and let you know in the morning? Would that be OK?”  Anna agreed enthusiastically and bore Gracie off with her, leaving Rhona standing there with Philip at her shoulder.

Now he had what Rhona called his Professional Face on. He probably knew how much it irritated her when he shuttered himself off behind his mask. It was almost impossible to read him when he was playing that role. In this mood his lips invariably formed a pleasant line suggesting a man interested and engaged with the company. She knew he could hold that expression for hours on end. 

Only his eyes ever gave Rhona a true reading of his feelings and he had now looked away, appearing to be fascinated by the activity around the barbeque. Because he was wearing a casual shirt without a tie, Rhona was able to see that he wore a fine gold chain underneath, against his skin. As she stood there in silence, waiting for an explanation, she wondered if he ever took it off.

He said in a lazy way “Dinner is almost ready.”  Rhona wanted to throttle him. She held her silence until at last he laughed out loud and turned to her with a little bow of acknowledgement.  Her stern look finally cracked his veneer, as his eyes lit up. It was his softer, off duty voice that asked “Did you wonder if I was quite myself, interfering like that?” 

Rhona heard Charlie call them to dinner. She knew that was her cue to laugh the matter off but she couldn’t do it. She began to move towards the rest of the group saying in an off- hand way “Perhaps I don’t know you yet Philip.” He caught her hand to hold her back and held it firmly as he looked down at her. A vertical line had appeared between his eyebrows. Rhona realized that was the first time he had touched her without first considering the action carefully. Now she supposed he would be concerned about making an exhibition of them both. “Is it really Gracie you are concerned about?” The irritation in his voice surprised her.

She removed his hand pointedly, thinking: why do men keep grabbing at people? What do they hope to achieve? Charlie had noticed them now and she saw he was frowning. “We are holding up the dinner Philip.”

He gestured for her to precede him, which she did until he said in an exasperated way “Why is it so hard for you to accept support from people?”

Rhona spun on her heel.  “Because I learned there is almost always a hidden cost.”  He was looking over her head, the coward, smiling and nodding to Charlie. As if he was discussing the furnishings he said “I do believe we have never had such a conversation as this before. What a novelty.” He moved off and left her there, evidently expecting her to follow meekly in his wake. Rhona went to the bathroom instead, where she stood staring at herself in the mirror until her temper cooled and she ran out of expletives to describe Philip Kerby.

It was about ten by the time coffee and chocolates had been passed around and Rhona made signals to Gracie that it was time to leave. She made sure Philip received the same cheerful goodnight he usually got. She would not give him the satisfaction of knowing she was still fuming.

Charlie walked out to the car with them, highly animated about their prospects for the fashion shoot. He commented that Philip was resigned to finding another assistant. She would have too much on to think of returning to the gallery. “Who knows where this will lead you,” he said in a proprietary way.

Rhona clicked her seat belt and her tongue at the same time. “Oh, I’m sure Philip has at least one contingency plan for every possible outcome. He’ll be fine.” She started the car and leaned out the window “Just rein yourself in Charlie. I only do one step at a time remember.” She drove off thinking:  at least Gracie will have Anna to show her the ropes. I’ll be happy if I can cling on for the ride.