Moving Waters

my thanks to B.McK.I.J for this view of Fairy Falls

Last weekend I had an opportunity to visit a powerful  place. Called Fairy Falls, this cataract is in the Waitakere Ranges - a healing lung of native forest only thirty minutes from the centre of Auckland city.  We are in drought right now, with high fire risk, yet an abundant stream flows constantly in this place - filling the air around with moisture and a clear cadence of liquid sound.

It was the day before full moon and I made the journey with a heart-held one. An auspicious trip.

In esoteric terms the element of water relates to the astral world of the emotional life - that field of great expression but also of significant challenge.

At the upper pool I was reminded of the story of the Well of Segais from which five streams run. Those streams represent the wisdom we gather from our five senses - all flowing from the One Source, the well of Life itself. 

The challenge is to live an aware life, so that we can clearly hear, sense and perceive the guidance that comes to us in this way.

Easy enough in such an enchanted place of beauty- but more difficult at home or at work in the regular run of our days.

There at the Falls the waters are constantly refreshing themselves- and with that renewal a Triad is eternally offered : 

May you be present in the moving waters of being within and without; 

May you live fully, employing all your senses to perceive Life;

Come drink freely from the nurturing chalice of  Love.

All is One.

Drawing from Life Chapter 16

Bill got himself out early to catch the first Saturday morning ferry back to Waiheke. He walked from Philip’s place with his hands buried in the pockets of his long wool coat. Along Tamaki Drive and Quay Street he passed, enjoying the crisp air and the slanting light of winter morning sun across the city foreshore. Finally he joined the growing queue on the wharf.

 A dozen or more college aged girls in excursion mood were grouped a little way in front of him. All were kitted out in matching blue tracksuits, most of them in full makeup. They were talking and laughing self consciously - “Ohmigodding” each other while scanning the growing crowd for appreciative glances.

When the gangway went down Bill noticed the girls being shepherded into a more cohesive group by two women. One of them was like Rhona. His stomach turned over. The hair was similar, that’s all, he thought.

Shuffling  up with the rest, keeping his eyes away from the boat, he focused over and above the crowd. Another track-suited girl came tearing past him - “Sorry, ‘scuse me.” She shoved in front of him saying “Sorry Mrs Manners I was in the loo, I’m really sorry”.

It was Rhona, standing on the second step to the top deck to give her a better height. He could hear her speaking: “That’s OK Felice, I’ll mark you off and you can go find the others up the front.” but she was looking at him.

A guy came past with a pack and two preschoolers “Excuse me mate, can you move in?” Bill turned, stammering something. When he looked again she was still there, but now another girl was with her asking her something. She will cut me dead, he thought.

Bill had met a thousand ex’s in the past. His brain said:  no problem- a suave remark, a bit of banter, then push off. Only he couldn’t do it now.

Rhona came down off the step, disappearing momentarily and re-emerging in front of him. He could feel his fingernails digging into his palms and his signet ring cutting into his finger. She was smiling up at him, her hand on the girl’s sleeve gesturing. He didn’t hear her properly. They had started the engines up. He couldn’t make out what she was saying to him.

 The ferry began to move away from the berth. Rhona and the girl came closer to him. “Bill? Are you well?”

He found himself reaching out– to steady her, but he stopped himself in time.

“Yes I’m fine Rhona … just surprised. I …” He pulled his hand back from mid air.

She turned to the girl beside her. “Gracie, I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Bill Egan." 

“Your daughter Gracie?”

“Yes”. She was laughing as the girl shook his hand saying politely “It’s nice to meet you Mr Egan.”

 This girl had the same eyes and her mother’s thick hair, though hers was a chestnut colour, caught back in a clasp. “Mr Egan, er, Bill?” Gracie was pointing at his right fist, “I think you’ve hurt your hand.” She had a tissue out, wiping her palm. He just gazed at a hand which could have belonged to anyone.

“I’ll get the kit out shall I Mum?” the girl asked.

Her mother nodded, laughing and raising an eyebrow at him in that way she had. “She’s been dying to find a patient ever since she packed that kit this morning. You’ll have to submit with good grace.”

She reached out and took his hand in her cold one, examining the cut. He couldn’t resist her. She was inspecting it with a clinical expression and a laugh around her mouth, “Just a plaster Gracie, not the full splint. Excuse me if I leave you with the surgeon Bill. I have some ladies to check up on.” 

“Here we go.” The girl clambered up waving a plaster. “I knew I had a plain one. I didn’t think you’d like the fluoro sort but this should be OK.”

He thanked her and stood holding it until she demanded he put it on. He smiled, relaxing now her mother was gone. “You’d make a brilliant nurse, you’re firm enough.” 

She grinned. “Yeah even Mum says I’m feisty and she’s not exactly meek sometimes.”

He offered to see her back to her team and as they walked through the seating area she spotted her friends outside on the front deck. Bill waved her off with thanks for the medical care before he turned on his heel and went in the opposite direction.

At the Waiheke end Bill was one of the last to disembark. He walked across the carpark, heading for the main road. As he passed he saw Rhona counting girls and packs into the transport and settling everybody down. The driver of the second van leaned out calling to him. Here was a face he knew- a most expressive face which was now broadcasting an appeal for help. “Gidday. I’ve got a job on here. You want a lift?”

“No thanks Casey.” Bill grinned at him, completely devoid of sympathy.

 “Oh go on mate. The boss lady’s only little. Plenty of room. Here she comes now, I’ll ask her.” He leaned even further out his window as Rhona came up to his cab. “So missus. All hunky dory are we?”

That hardly described how she was feeling but Rhona managed to be pleasant. “Yes thank you. Hello again Bill.”

Bill noticed she had a deepening line between her eyebrows. It was the one sign he learnt to read right in their time together. She was exhausted and worried.

Casey was looking from him to Rhona and back again. “Small world. You know each other?”

Rhona didn’t answer, which made for an awkward pause.  Bill made the introductions. She reached up to shake the hand outstretched from the driver’s window.

“Gidday,” Casey said before he told Bill “Well come on then, get in. No bullshit about walking, just hand the lady in and follow after boyo.”

Bill shrugged and made a helpless face at Rhona. He watched her tiny feet clamber in. She was half the size of some of the kids in the back.

It would have been uncomfortable if it hadn’t been for Casey. Bill realised Rhona had no idea what he was doing there, or what connection  he had to Waiheke. Somehow that fact made him feel better. He was more in control than he felt he ought to be in the circumstances.

Casey chatted on as they drove. She was just sitting there looking straight ahead with a strange expression on her face. Bill thought maybe she was miles away. She could do that so easily, just switch off. It wasn’t that though. Her right index finger was flicking over the seam on her jeans leg- over and back, over and back.

Casey tried again. “So I drop you off on the way past Bill or the way back? I’m bringing the little lady back this way later, aren’t I love?” he glanced over at Rhona, who didn’t appear to notice.

“I’ll get off on this run thanks” Bill said, covering her silence. Casey gave Rhona another sharp look but he was turning into the street and pulled up outside Bill’s house. Rhona was still gazing ahead in that frozen sort of way.

Once he was underway again Casey took another look at his passenger. “You all right love? You look a bit peaky. Long trip eh?”

“Yes” it was a whisper. She cleared her throat. “Yes, a long morning so far.”

“Yeah well, hard work all this school trip carry on. Let’s get them dropped off then I can take you to your place. Where are you staying?”

“In that street you just pulled out of, with Grace Fielding”

 “Eh?” Casey missed his gear change. “What? Are you her Rhona? Bloody Hell. I should have recognised you, but you were only a girl last time I was here.” There was a pause “Hey does Bill know that? Cheeky bugger didn’t say anything.”

Rhona thought it was hardly the moment to give her opinion on Bill’s behaviour. She stuck to the facts. “I don’t know.”  There was mostly silence then as Casey drove. Just the occasional “Well” and “Bugger me” under his breath.

After unloading her charges at the camping ground Rhona settled back in the corner of the van, half leaning on the door, trying to get a grip. She was almost asleep when they pulled up outside Grace’s house. Casey parked in the driveway. “Come on then. I’ve got half an hour before the next job. I’ll come in for a bit.” He took her pack off the floor and hopped out. Coming around to her side he opened the door and helped her down. Rhona was vaguely aware that he was not much taller than her, but a good deal more generously covered. He had a commanding manner and he was keeping a firm hand on her elbow. “All right now love- out you come. You know my Lou gets like this when she’s been over doing it. I know all about it, don’t you worry.” He was shepherding her down the pathway with surprising grace. She allowed herself to be led, thinking that just one more surprise would shatter her whole glass edifice to smithereens.

Aunt Grace had come out on to the porch. Casey still had Rhona firmly by the arm, which he now patted gently for emphasis. He called out to Grace “You go easy on this niece of yours. She’s had a rough morning.” Once he was up the pathway he added “ what with twenty odd girls and one thing and another-  Grace we’re both as parched as desert sands. Billy on?” They made the porch and he relinquished Rhona’s arm on the door step.

Rhona really was grateful. She returned her Aunt’s firm hug. Casey was holding back from their reunion, but he was ready to spring forward into the hall behind them.

Grace led the way, “You are in your usual room Rhona. You go on down, we’ll be in the kitchen.”

Rhona moved through the familiar wide passage, touching her aunt’s furniture fondly as she passed. The old villa seemed to envelope her in safety. At the end of the passage she turned left into the last room. Her aunt had painted it in the palest far-away blue. All the wide skirting boards and ceiling trims were white. Rhona loved the way it matched the view of sea and sky from the window.

She dropped her pack and took off her jacket, laying it on the bed. The crisp white sheets with their blue cotton cover looked so inviting, but courtesy demanded she join them in the kitchen. She took off her boots though and was padding back down the hall when she overheard Casey saying “…but get this for a coincidence. They knew each other.” She heard her aunt’s deep voice, a little guarded “Oh yes?”

Rhona leaned against the wall paper in the hall, pressing her cheek to the cool surface. Facing a whole weekend with Bill Egan right on the boundary, she knew this was just the first skirmish of many she would have to negotiate.  Pushing off the wall, she deliberately knocked against a palm in a brass pot near the kitchen door to announce herself. As she expected Grace effortlessly redirected the conversation. By the time she sat down they were talking about the next tree planting working bee.

“Ah Rhona, here we are.” Grace poured the tea from an art deco silver pot into a Shelley teacup, setting cup saucer and plate in front of her.

Rhona smiled her thanks and said to Casey “I didn’t realise you knew Grace so well. I don’t remember seeing you when I was here last.”

“No well you wouldn’t have. Lou and I only just came back about six months ago. About the time your friend moved in next door. We’d been away about twenty-five years all told.”Casey added “and do you know”, he was digging his finger into the tablecloth for emphasis, “do you know Grace was still here in the same house, doing her own thing exactly as we’d left her. Isn’t that marvellous eh? Oh strewth.” He was looking at his watch. “I’d better be on my bike.” He got up from the table, “I’ve got to collect a gent’ from the wharf in exactly 7 minutes. Nice to meet you again love”  He patted Rhona on the arm he made for the door. “Don’t get up. You’ll see me again before you see me out.” Grace followed him out to the step and waited to wave him off before she came gliding back into the kitchen to stand with her straight back into the kitchen bench. It was characteristic of her. All her movements were studied somehow, vaguely theatrical. She told her niece “You look completely shattered. You need rest.”Rhona agreed and let Grace organise her by suggesting a programme. “I’m in the studio. Shall we meet for dinner, say 5.30 drinks? You know where everything is. I’ll leave you to your own devices for the day.”

Recognising Allies

my thanks to artist Mandy Hague for this montage http://mandyart.blogspot.co.nz/

Those who follow the old ways become used to seeing in the natural world a close and mutually supportive interaction between all life. This practise requires only present awareness and a still mind to be receptive to their non-verbal communication.
I enjoy a particular connection to creatures of air and sea. Over time I have learned to pay attention to the activity of these Third Kingdom lives, as they relate to our own.

Lately a harrier hawk has been frequently appearing over my house. We live near parks and the shoreline now, but, even so, these birds are not common in an urban setting.
As an Ally there could be none better: the oldest of creatures, according to the traditions, the hawk calls up clear sight and far distant memory. He is also a bird of warning omens, suggesting decisiveness will be needed to support a developing undertaking.
Finally the hawk is the local representative of the eagle totem- bird of my soul friend. In this guise he connects us in space and time- conferring both strength and clarity - a welcome visitor.

More "Drawing from Life" - here is the end of Chapter 15

Rhona was aware that Paul was in an unenviable position, caught between his partner and a good friend, so she was careful to keep things bright and positive at work. She made no mention of Charlie. In the end Paul raised the subject himself as she was leaving, remarking that he supposed the regular walks had come to an end. She spent some time in reassuring him, emphasizing that it was between her and Charlie and need not involve him. 

Paul did look uncomfortable when he explained involved he was already. “I think he is one very scared person right now. He told me the other night he knew you had metal but he never expected to see you use it on him.”
Rhona was standing at the door, shifting a chic new leather bag from one hand to the other. After listening patiently she finally stated “I have to make my own way as a healthy adult Paul. Part of that is making my own decisions- flakey or otherwise. When Charlie is ready to let me be me, then we can walk together again, but not before.” She kissed his cheek “I’m going away for a long weekend with the netball team. I’ll ring him again when I get back. I’m sure we can work it through.”
He smiled and then looked stricken. “Hang on did you say you’re going away? I completely forgot. Philip rang here this morning looking for you- something about seeing you on Saturday.”
Rhona was puzzled and thought: that’s odd. He’s knows I can’t help on Saturdays.

It was even more peculiar when she spoke to Philip later. He didn’t want her to work. He wanted to see her about something else entirely-to talk to her privately, or so he said.
It was an effort not to sound impatient as she tried to coax it out of him on the phone. At last he confessed “Well the thing is I figured out that my client Grace Fielding is your aunt.”
“So?” Rhona had been expecting that eventuality.
“So I’m going to ask her to do a retrospective at my gallery.”
Rhona was genuinely delighted. “But what’s the big mystery? Where do I come in?”
There was a somewhat lengthy pause before he asked her to consider sharing the display space.
“Oh.” Rhona sat down in a dining chair with a plop. “Um- I can’t. I’m not ready.”
She could hear Philip sighing dramatically. “You see why I wanted to talk to you in person. How can I discuss this over the phone? It’s not tomorrow, more like September/October if it goes ahead. Now I shall have to listen to one of your little monologues of self doubt I suppose.”
She held her breath a moment before saying crisply “That is one of the very few times you have ever been rude to me Mr Kerby.”
She could tell he was trying not to laugh at her. “Just go off and think about it. Let me know when you get back if you like. Where are you taking your flock of netballers anyway?”
When she told him it was Waiheke and that she would be staying with Grace he replied commented how interesting that would be. She decided he was being sarcastic, or just plain silly, when he promised not to breathe a word of it to anyone.

Rhona was too preoccupied by the prospect of exhibiting to pay much attention to that part of their conversation. Philip, however, was true to his word. He had Bill staying with him overnight and when they met up at the Exchange for a beer he was careful to make no mention of Rhona at all.

Dawn Lights

Dawn on Grafton Bridge, Auckland

From my new house I can walk to work most days. At this time of year I am starting out in the dark and reaching work in daylight. Dawn is just lighting the sky as I cross the oldest single span concrete bridge in Australasia. I love the juxtaposition of old and new at any time, but these mornings are pure magic.
Today the new day shot salmon strokes through aqua and blue. Light behind , pre-dawn dark still hovering on the asphalt ahead, placed me in day-birth borderland. Epic.


Drawing from Life Chapter 15 continues:
The next morning Rhona went off for her regular walk with Charlie. She had spoken to him about the modelling offer and realized from the stilted phone conversation that her choice was a severe test of their long relationship. It turned out to be worse than she had anticipated. 

Charlie was  incredulous. She had turned down “an opportunity for success”, as he called it. As they set out he made disparaging remarks about the way Justin managed his affairs. He thought the scheduling was lax and more besides. He even said the outcome would have been different if he had been there to supervise her instead of taking himself off to Melbourne with Paul. 

Rhona made no reply to any of it until he turned to her with “I suppose I should be thankful you didn’t do anything tragically middle aged like fall in love with the leading male model. That would have crowned it all.”

The vitriol behind that last comment so appalled her she stormed off. He didn’t attempt to call her back.

The school routine was back in swing the next week and once more established the framework for Rhona’s schedule. She went back to her work on the series of paintings with renewed energy after the break away from her easel. There was progress in her business affairs too as she discovered at her meeting with Marcus Bearing. John was asking for his share of the value of the matrimonial home and there were other details of the separation agreement that remained to be finalized.

It seemed strange to be visiting the solicitor’s office and finding it all exactly the same. She bounded up the stairs, avoiding the lift and bumped into Marcus on the landing.   He opened the door for her and, as she went through ahead of him, she heard a murmured “you wouldn’t believe it was the same woman.”

They talked easily through a number of more minor issues before t the question of the family home. Marcus recommended an independent valuation, of which she would pay John a half share, but Rhona had ideas of her own. She agreed to the valuation but with a view to selling. He reminded her they were coming into winter, hardly the best time.

Rhona had an answer for that. “Honestly, it’s never the best time. I’m thinking of an auction anyway.”

Marcus told her firmly there was no need for a fire sale scenario and cautioned her to be wary of undervaluing any asset.

“Very true.” Rhona said, sitting further forward in her chair. “Which is why I have improved the amenities there earlier in the year. It’s all spruced up and looking its best, so there’s no danger of any discount. Don’t worry I know what I’m doing.”

Marcus reminded her that only a few months ago she didn’t know what a term deposit was. “Promise me you won’t settle anything without checking with your devoted legal adviser please.”

Rhona gave him a wide eyed look and assured him she always listened closely to his advice.  "What’s more I have another job for you.” She had to laugh at his horrified expression. She added brightly “I know Marcus, I get very bolshie over business I’ve discovered. Now- one fifth of my share of the proceeds from the sale of the house I wish to donate to charity, anonymously – only you and I are to know about it. The remainder of my share I wish to divide equally between my four children. 

He tapped his finger with his pen and told her it was all very fine in theory but he would insist on a trust for Gracie and would need to investigate her nominated charity before he could make a recommendation. He obviously had a hunch she had some obscure organisation in mind.

She described what she knew of the work Joe and his friend Niven Marsh were doing, being careful to omit the fact that she had a closer connection with any of the parties. When she had finished her enthusiastic recitation Marcus shifted a little uncomfortably before he gave his response to the project.

“I don’t wish to sound in any way patronizing but I think it needs to be said. Do be careful of allowing emotion to govern your business decisions won’t you?”

Rhona did have the grace to blush. After a spirited discussion they agreed that the donation would be made on the condition that her legal advisor was satisfied, otherwise he would come back to her to nominate a more mainstream recipient for her largesse.

They wound up the meeting on the best of terms. As she drove away Rhona found it a comfort that only she and her solicitor would know that last bit of business. She could well imagine what Charlie would say about the gesture she was planning, not to mention the reaction of her nearest relatives.

Restorations

Here's a happy thought: restoration is underway at one of Auckland's oldest homes. Hulme Court in Parnell Rise was built in 1843 - the early days of settlement here. I have such affection for this plastered piece of our history - now safe in the hands of an enlightened owner. May the spirit of the place revive as the fabric is repaired and prosperity flow to all who have a hand in the project.

Photo by John Field, auckland art gallery

Peggy Spicer "Hulme Court"

thanks to flickr.com for this recent image

Drawing From Life Chapter 15

Rhona had two further afternoon sessions with Justin at an Auckland studio, but the pace was much more relaxed than Easter weekend had been. He had a light handed, self deprecating sort of humour that brought out a mischievous streak in her- one that she had forgotten was part of her character.

At the end of their final set Justin asked her to join him at his hotel the next morning. He was leaving Auckland the next day and wanted to take the only opportunity for what he called a “debriefing session.”

When she walked in from Grey St Justin was in the hotel lobby waiting for her. He presented her with a loose posy of orange gerberas before they went through to the lounge. He talked of his plans for the winter launch in New Zealand of part of his range, and of his negotiations with an Auckland department store. He  asked her to keep in touch with Anna, who had decided to settle in Auckland.

Over coffee, Justin began a review of their work together. At one point he complimented her on a consistent level of performance despite “the unpleasantness on Easter Sunday.”

Noticing her heightened colour he laughed suddenly “Yes yes, I’m nearly done. What I am saying is that you could make a career in this field.” Apparently advertisers, along with any number of other businesses, wanted to reach the baby boomer generation. He offered to arrange introductions- if she chose to pursue it.

Rhona could only gape. She threw her hands out in a helpless gesture before she started to laugh in earnest. Justin waited patiently for some composure to return.  “That means no I take it.”

 He reached across the table to clasp her hand “You know best what is right for you. I expected it quite honestly.” In a brotherly way he continued “There is something I must say to you- confidentially.” She sobered quickly as he started to talk about Charlie, describing how long they had known each other. “I guess I’m saying keep watch. Sometimes he doesn’t realise how much is too much. Then when his guidance is rejected he gets hurt.”

Joe arrived just after five  that night.  He was already at work in Rhona’s kitchen when Gracie came home from Francie’s place. Rhona heard her whoop first and then the front door burst open- with the gear bag hitting the floor at the same moment. She bounded in. Joe turned in time to be hit by the full force of teenage enthusiasm.  

 “It’s fish again - hapuka steaks for tea” he stated, smudging her nose with his floury forefinger. “So beat it sprat they won’t take long.” She collected her pack and raced up the hall to her room. 

Joe found the wine in the fridge and passed Rhona a glass. “Take that chardonnay and sit somewhere out of the way– not too far though- seeing I’m doing all this to make a good impression.”

Rhona perched on the stool, perfectly happy to sit there and watch him cook. Joe stayed focused on his pan for a minute or two.

Abruptly he brought the spatula sharply down on the bench and turned the heat off. He spun around to lean his lower back against the bench, bracing his weight on his hands behind him. His expression made her pause mid- sentence. He was steeling himself to speak.

He reached out, moving in towards her. “You like me don’t you?”

Instinctively she asked herself: is it right to encourage him?

He stepped back a little to see her face clearly. “Well?”

She dropped her gaze. “But I’m older than you.”

Gracie chose that moment to come hurtling out of the bathroom. She called down the hall “You can serve now. I’m ready.”

Joe switched neatly back to joking and sparring with Gracie as they sat down to eat. Rhona was quieter and gladly left him to carry the meal and the conversation.

When Gracie had finished she sat rolling her glass between her hands. She remarked that Joe must get sick of driving from having two jobs- the lecturing and his architectural work. She wanted to know what he did in the weekends.

 “I take theatre sports for the borstal kids. My friend Niven Marsh comes in to help sometimes. You’d like him Gracie. He sorts out the comedians from the drama queens every time.”

He was so animated when he answered. Rhona could see he had big dreams for the project. Most of their resources were donated though, and uncertain. The whole discussion gave her  much food for thought.

Alone together after dinner, Joe draped himself comfortably over most of the sofa. Once she was settled he took one of the chocolates laid out and unwrapped it with scrupulous care “Why pick age as a stumbling block eh?”

Rhona smoothed her skirt against her knee, watching the fabric move under her hand. “Because you seem to me like a family man. You still have that in front of you- a lovely young woman, babies, I thought…”

He looked at her blankly. “You thought wrong hey. If that’s what I wanted I would have done it by now.”

She sensed he meant every word.

He swivelled her around to face him, resting one arm along the back of the sofa.  “I like a good bit of time on my own- I have to have it- to keep on an even keel see? I noticed you’re a bit the same.” That explained a good deal. He saw that in her face. “So, next issue? How about things you can’t say- like “race” for instance?” She just gave him a pitying look. They both knew she was no bigot.

 His “So?” was still demanding an answer

Rhona was biting her lip. “I have to send men away on a daily basis you realize.”

Joe heard the Yes there, smiled, and was satisfied.

He left shortly afterwards, to stay with his sister at Orakei.  Rhona thought it strange- how relieved she was. He hadn’t asked to remain with her instead. There was the smell of a mistake about- whether hers or his she couldn’t yet say.

Flowering Time

thanks to flickr.com for this image

 The Lunar cycle is one of the most important rhythms to my life and I have been looking out at the First Quarter Moon tonight. This is the flowering time when the initiatives we have seeded start to come to fruition. It is often a time of challenges as we take steps to support the vision formed at the new moon. Often we experience a curious tension as we struggle with the 'I can't" response which surfaces when we experiment with a new way of living.

This is certainly so for me at present. I have been working at supporting myself better. The decisions I have had to make to achieve that seem to be having an isolating affect on all areas of my life. No man is an island they say- and I am feeling that isolation keenly.

Now, looking up at the moon, I am wondering if I was correct to seed such self-determination - it may be costing me dearly in lost connection with my current relationships. Maybe that is the point though - to trust the process - knowing that any connections which survive this cycle are the healthy ones. Maybe the relationships that are leaving, or stuttering, are not sustaining my life in any real way. I pray for the trust and persistence to push this bud of new ways out to a radiant, aromatic flower of authentic living.

Drawing from Life continues with  the last part of Chapter 14

Gracie and Rhona were driving back to Auckland on Monday afternoon. As they passed through Whangarei Gracie ordered “Mum, tell me when we get to the Oakley bridge. I want to look out for Joe’s house. He said you can see it from the highway.”

Rhona told her where to find the map and from then on Gracie followed every curve in the road closely until they came around an uphill bend when she yelped “It’s the next bridge. It’s opposite another little road, see if you can stop so I can have a look.”

Rhona wasn’t convinced of the propriety of it, but if Joe was elsewhere she figured there was no harm indulging the girl. She managed to pull out of the traffic and slowed down to park on a wider verge almost directly opposite a two story house set back from the road. Gracie leapt from the car oblivious to her mother’s warning to watch the traffic.

“Look Mum.” Gracie was shrieking. “Look it’s awesome.” Joe had told Gracie his house used to be an old coaching house.  People came up the river or over the hills behind and stopped here before they went on to Whangarei.

Rhona took her camera from the car and leaned on the bonnet to photograph it. It was a beautiful place. She could see the main entrance of the house was on the north side, facing the metal road that ran off State Highway 1. That would be the old road he had told Gracie about she guessed. A massive pear tree towered above the house, dominating the front paddock where half a dozen sheep were grazing. The property seemed to extend in a westerly direction for some distance. Gracie was still shouting and calling out to her, pointing out the stables beside the house and the little jetty by the river beside them.

They had been stopped five minutes or so when there was the blast of a car horn and a navy 4x4 pulled in behind them. Rhona groaned with embarrassment when she recognized the car but Gracie was jumping up and down yelling “Hey it’s Joe. Look Mum. Look it is Joe.”

Rhona watched him leap from his car, all smiles. She could feel her colour rising as she tried to find a way to explain how badly Gracie had wanted to see his home. All she could think was: Oh God this is my most pathetic blunder ever. How could I look this desperate – I never wanted to … oh God.

He had his arm over her daughter’s shoulder, steering her further away from the highway traffic. Of course he had to say “But you’re coming in aren’t you?”

Gracie had started to bounce again. “Can we Mum? Please? Please can we?”

Rhona smiled despite herself and Joe took that as an affirmative. He became all action man, telling her to watch the traffic coming around the bend. He and Gracie leaped in his vehicle leaving Rhona no choice but to follow as soon as she could safely cross the main road.

When she pulled up in his driveway he came out to meet her. Gracie had already disappeared. He opened the driver’s door and handed her out. Walking up to the house Rhona asked how things went at the marae, adding “I thought maybe you would stay on a day or two.” He shrugged but made no answer, his ambivalence discouraging her from further questions.  He took her hand. “Wait on. Gracie wants me to take you in the front door.” They came up on the step. Joe winked at Rhona and knocked.

The door opened from the inside and there was Gracie giggling as she bobbed like a maid.  “Sir. Madam. Come this way please,” making a grand sweep of her arm into the hallway. Rhona laughed and said “Oh good. You have staff.” Playing the game she swept in like a duchess, but she came to an abrupt stop inside the hall.

The broad stair way rising in front of her made a noble sweep to the upper floor landing. Turned kauri balusters and kauri paneling to chair rail height gave the whole space a glow of honey brown. The walls papered in a blue and green William Morris design, with patterned rugs and period furniture, suggested comfort in keeping with the building, but this was no museum piece. It was a Home.

She plopped down on the bare kauri settle which stood near the front door and looked up at Joe who was still standing by the door, watching her. “You love this place don’t you, I can feel it.”

He came over to take her hand and pulled her to her feet. “I have been here a while. We understand each other now. Come on.”

Gracie had disappeared and now she came springing back down the hall way. “Joe can I go exploring please? I want to go and look at the little jetty. Have you got any attics? Can I go in the stables?”

Rhona was shaking her head. “Gracie, please,” but Joe smiled “Sure. Have a look around. Just leave the stables to last. I’ll unlock that later and show you.”

Joe’s kitchen was a large sunny room with a view of the river. A solid fuel cooker stood gleaming black in the fireplace, but there were all manner of mod cons concealed behind the wooden cabinetry. When Rhona asked him if he like to cook he laughed and said he enjoyed friendly food. As he went to the fridge for cheese to go on the packet of crackers he was holding he explained. “You know: people around the table, good conversation, everybody getting in the way- trying to pitch in and help- that kind of food.” He came and sat down at the table with her and started cutting the cheese and arranging the crackers on a plate. “We’d better remember to leave some for the Gannet, she’s always hungry that girl.”

Rhona looked out the window beside her, speculating out loud about where her daughter had got to. Joe told her how his nephews and nieces could amuse themselves for hours around the place. They were only a little older than Gracie. “Let her rip a bit longer eh? It’s been a very grown up weekend.” He passed her a mug and leaned back with his own. “Relax.”

She turned back to him. “You’re relaxed. You’re a different person at home aren’t you?”

He shrugged. “Comfortable I guess. I’m going back up to the marae tomorrow but today I’d had enough. I just wanted to come home for some peace after that weekend we had.”

“Oh”, she frowned. “then you found us on your doorstep. I’m so sorry. I never intended to stop, just…”

He tipped his head back in a frustrated way and interrupted her. “You know that’s not what I meant. I’m glad you’re here.” After a space of silence he put his cup down. “Come on. I want to show you something. He stood up “I have a feeling I know where Gracie might be too.”

He opened the door and waited for her to go out first. There were two big pots with herbs in them either side of the back door and a path leading away from the house. They made slow progress down the path because Rhona kept stopping to admire the planting and asking him how he had decided on what he wanted to grow.

There was an extensive vegetable garden further on, with two huge raised beds on each side, running parallel to the pathway. Beyond them Rhona saw Gracie standing on tip toe with her hands around her eyes and her nose pressed to the quartered window at the end of the stable block. Joe waved to her and started explaining to Rhona that he used the stalls at the far end for storing fruit and vegetables.

“I don’t keep horses here anymore. I’m away too often.” He went past the two wide doors and put his key in the lock of the smaller paneled door near the end. He called “Come on Gracie you can get a look in now,” and pushed the door wider for Rhona, saying more quietly “This used to be the tack room and office. I use it as a workroom now, so mind your clothes. There’s stuff everywhere.”

Gracie had wormed her way between them. “I saw old broken furniture and stuff in here Joe. What do you do with it?”

He pointed out a derelict arm chair with half the deep buttoned upholstery removed from the seat. “I restore them. You didn’t know furniture had horse hairs and springs in it I suppose.”

“Oh yes I did”, Gracie announced triumphantly. “I’ve been to lots of auctions with Mum and she told me all about it. She doesn’t buy ones as rough as that though.” Gracie wrinkled up her nose at the stained covering. “I hope you didn’t pay much for that one. It’s a wreck.”

Joe was looking from Gracie to Rhona and back again. He steered the girl further into the room, dodging the dining chairs hanging from the rafters. “You might like this one better, seeing you’re an expert.” He stopped her in front of a washstand standing resplendent amongst the chaos.

Rhona could see he was proud of his restoration. It was rimu with tiling along the splash-back and two neat cupboards beneath. Gracie was fascinated when Joe showed her where to pull out a sliding shelf from just above the cupboard doors. He stood back to include Rhona and looked a question at her as she ran her fingers around the circular opening for a wash basin.

“You’ve done it beautifully. Where did you find these de Morgan tiles? I’ve only ever seen them in a book before.” She had her other hand on his arm, but she hadn’t noticed that until Gracie tried to squeeze out between them and gently lifted it on her way through. Joe was in the middle of explaining that the tiles had been on the piece when he found it in a mission shop in Whangarei. He stopped speaking as he made way for Gracie and for a moment seemed to forget what else he was going to say.

Gracie apologized and said she was going to get a drink. Rhona was moving towards the door too. It was later in the day than she had realised. “We will need to go soon”, she called but the girl was already running up the path and hadn’t heard her. Joe locked the door behind them.  “Just stay Rhona. It’s after five now and time to get the tea on. Come on.” He led the way back to the house without waiting for her to answer.

Joe had Gracie help him cook some flounder and confined her mother to setting the table. When he waved them off about seven that night Rhona told him she expected to see him the very next time he came to Auckland. He agreed to the bargain and stood on the drive until they were out of sight.

Some days are rather too grown up aren't they? Those days when all our Responsibilities demand attention at the same time- those are the one's when it is hard to go lightly - everything is so Serious and Important. I had such a day today. It was rescued by drumbeat, movement and loving communication. I am thankful for the bodrhan,  for yoga and for my soul friend.

 For the last, here is the traditional gift given in gratitude - A Triad:

May your cares be few and far between

May you dance through your days

Swept by love into the rhythm of life

thanks to Aatmani for the soul friends image

Chapter 14 continues:

Rhona tried to thank Joe at lunchtime but he cut her off with a slight smile and went to sit with Justin. Anna was standing near her when it happened. Seeing Rhona’s fierce expression she told her quietly it was a man thing – a pretty typical reaction that she shouldn’t take personally. Rhona had been careful not to discuss the business with anyone but she was grateful for the advice. She thought this morning they would all be better off neutered but she knew that was hardly a balanced attitude either.

The afternoon shoot went ahead and for the next three hours Joe seemed polite but distant to her. She climbed in and out of a series of suits, hats and high heeled shoes with a fixed smile on her face. It reminded her of the time after Eric Bates died, the way everything seemed to be happening as if seen through a set of binoculars. Just before the last change she caught a look at herself in one of the dressing mirrors. A red haired plastic mannequin looked back at her. She had let that little weasel Mickey get to her obviously. Turning abruptly away she asked Tracey if they were running to time.

She seemed puzzled. “Yes we’re ahead of time I think. You’re doing fine Rhona, really.” She frowned and turned to the two girls with her. “Go and take a break. Tell them we want five minutes.” When the girls left, she turned back to her model “Look, Justin told me about this morning. I just didn’t want to mention it in front of the others. Do you want to stop?”

Rhona drew her hands through her hair, oblivious to the work she was unraveling. “No it’s not that. I feel like crushing something under my shoe right now. I only just noticed I’m not faking well enough.”

Tracey went to the door and called for someone to ask Al to come. From the doorway she observed “It’s true. I have seen you do better. You’ve certainly got the guts to pull it up if you want to.”

She left and Rhona sat swiveling the chair until Al came in, looking so young and anxious she felt ashamed of her self pity. She encouraged him with a wave to take a stool near her. He ducked on to it.  “It’s not going so well is it? I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”

Rhona reached over to touch his shoulder. “You’re fine Al but I think I can tell you why it’s not so good. See, Mickey pushed me around this morning. No one told you because I asked them not to. That was a lousy decision on my part. Toss his notes away will you? Design your own set up- something grittier.”

Al looked away to the right of her. “You mean like hard-edged kind of?”

Rhona stood up. “I’m talking breaking glass here.”

He nodded, watching her face carefully. Rhona wondered if he looked at his mother that way when she was upset. He got up and grinned at her. “At least it wasn’t all my fault.”

He was such a conscientious young man.

When the girls came back with Tracey they set to work as if they were preparing for battle. It was the last one of the session and they were out to excel. The black and white suit reminded Rhona of early Chanel with its scooped collarless neck edge. When she entered in it for the last time Al directed her to stand behind the bar on a box he had positioned there for her. He had a collection of liqueur and spirits bottles displayed on the kauri bar top, along with some oranges in a stemmed glass dish. There was a large mirror directly behind her with the name of an old brewery in gold lettering. He made Joe stand in front of the bar, to one side of her, with some distance between them.

Coming in front of her to check his distances Al asked her if she had guessed what he was planning. Rhona knew and approved. “We’re doing  Bar at the Folie Begere. Al, it’s perfect.” He gave her a little smirk.

When Al turned away Joe cleared his throat and commented casually “He’s a talented kid. Did you know he’s only twenty-two?”

Rhona kept her eyes straight ahead, watching Al arrange Gracie and some others as patrons at the front tables. Without looking away from the centre she said thoughtfully “Why can’t you talk to me Joe?

Al called out “Ready now. Joe, I need lust under a veneer of manners, OK? Menacing if you want.” She heard Joe’s sharp intake of breath at that direction, but she had no sympathy for him. Her mind was applauding Al’s empathy as she composed her features to give the desired effect.

When it was finished Justin led a round of applause and Rhona joined in championing Al by raising her clapping hands to the artist. He was still blushing and shuffling when she went to get changed. It was over.

Joe was already organizing gear into the back of his 4x4 when Rhona came out to the van looking for Gracie. Thinking it was her last chance to talk to him she stopped nearby, waiting for him to finish. When he looked up she said “Thank you Joe you were wonderful to work with.” She thought it sounded reasonably professional. He obviously didn’t want any more than that, not after this morning anyway. He was standing with his back against his vehicle. There was a pause while he looked over her into the distance. I’ve just been blanked, she thought  as she started to move away but he leaned down a little to say “I’m sorry.” in a formal way.

“What for?”

 “I should have stayed with you this morning.”

Oh the poor idiot she thought, reaching out to grip his forearm. “Oh no. Were you blaming yourself? No please.” She went on tip toes to kiss his cheek and he caught her to him before she could slip away. His hand rested on the back of her head as he said “Still, I am sorry.”

She pulled away gently and forced a brighter smile on her face. “Forget it OK.” She turned and waved a hand in the direction of the hotel. “Hey, I hope you will see Gracie before you go.”

He smiled in a tired way. “I have. She’s with Tracey getting beauty tips and product handouts.”

“Oh”, she ran her hands through her hair. “They could be a while then.” There was an awkward moment of silence. “Well I had better let you get on the road then. Look us up if you come to Auckland won’t you?”

“Do you mean that?” Joe asked as he moved to the driver’s door.

She pulled at the cuff on the sleeve of her jacket, frowning. “You know I do. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise.”

 She heard “I’ll see you then,” as he got in the car.