Going with the Flow

Right now my life is full of great sweeping waves - changes of pace and direction rolling in over me. My days have been intense with indescribable blessings as well as everyday organisational challenges. I am writing at dusk, the beginning of a fresh day for me - which begins with the dark, the seeding time.

jedisimon.com - thanks for this magnificent image and your inspiring collection of mandalas

The basis of a Celtic understanding of time is the symbol of the Wheel, a circular pattern of continuous change. From dusk to dusk, the sun dies, is reborn and fades again. Over the lunar cycle that Bright Lady emerges from darkness to full blossoming beauty and again recedes.
When viewed from this perspective change is the constant characteristic of all form life. All is unfolding in a continuous dance to this natural rhythm.
When we can drop the tendency to cling to our existing condition - be it wealth or lack, love or loneliness - we see the flow of circular rotation all around. Amongst our good days, and our not so good ones, we can watch for the flow. Aware of the seasons within and without we learn to trust to the rhythm and continuity of All That Is.

Drawing from Life continues with Chapter 14

The next morning those who weren’t going to Easter services took the chance to do some sightseeing around Kerikeri. The shops were shut but there was plenty to see. After Gracie and Anna left Rhona decided to have a leisurely shower and do some yoga. She was craving time alone by then. It was a warm, still morning so she left the door standing open and used a phone book for a door stop to let sunlight in to the rooms. Her unit was at the car park end and well away from the bustle around the office. It was deliciously quiet once everyone left.

Rhona sang in the shower. It annoyed her that  today she couldn’t remember more than the first two lines of the aria without having to hum the rest. She decided she was still a little weary, but pretty satisfied with the way things were going. Just one more session and it would be over. She dried off and put on the white toweling robe supplied by the motel. As she fought to get a comb through her hair she thought she heard movement in the unit. It was probably just the door shifting on its spring, she thought. People get jumpy when they’re over tired.  She carried on, but hearing another sound in the lounge made her put the comb down on the vanity with a sharp click. There was an uneasy tightness under her rib cage. “Come on girl” she said to herself in the mirror “You’re still on edge from yesterday.” She went out to get a glass of water from the kitchen but only got as far as the sitting room door.

Mickey was standing by the table, leaning his hip against it, resting his weight casually on one hand. His legs were crossed over at the ankle, suggesting he had been waiting some time. Rhona jumped. “What are you doing here?” She tried to keep her tone light but she could feel the tension in the room. She made a move to put the kitchen counter between them but he shifted quickly across and blocked her with his arm against the wall behind her.

“Hello Mama.”He was smirking, bending down over her. Rhona averted her face and said briskly “Not funny. What do you want?” She reached to push him away from her but he struck first, grabbing her wrist with his free hand and forcing her arm above her head up the wall. At the same time he shoved his knee between her thighs with brutal force, crushing her other arm behind her. His breathe was stale. “You invited me didn’t you?”

Rhona turned her face sideways and struggled to get his weight off her. “Hardly”, she muttered between her teeth. Still holding her wrist he brought his other hand up and held her chin, forcing her head around with his thumb pressing down on her lips.

“Don’t argue Mama”, he hissed. “We don’t want to spoil your good looks for today do we? I told you didn’t I? You can’t get the better of me, so why not enjoy it? You know you want to.” She stopped struggling and kept very still, closing her eyes to try and recover herself. In her mind she was screaming for help. She tried to breather deeper but her panic made it impossible to concentrate. He was saying “See. I knew you would want it. You had your abo’ here last night. Now it’s Mickey’s turn, see?”

With her eyes still screwed tight Rhona dropped her jaw down as hard as she could and snapped her teeth shut, biting down viciously on his thumb.

“Jesus, you bitch.” She could feel him drawing back to strike her and she tried to throw her head to the side, but the blow never came. Suddenly his weight was off her and she heard Justin’s voice calling out “Don’t Joe. Just get him out,” then “Mickey you’re finished. Go and pack”. She had collapsed down the wall and opened her eyes to see Justin kneeling in front of her, re-covering her shaking body where the robe had come open. He said something about being hurt. She shook her head. She could feel the inside of her bottom lip was tender, but that was nothing. She was so thankful it hadn’t been a long sermon at church.

Justin gathered her up, lifting her under the arms.  “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.” She leaned on him heavily, shaking so much her legs were useless. Her breath kept coming in great heaves but she managed to tell him she wanted to get back in the shower. He led her to the bedroom saying firmly “Just lie down a minute.” He sat on the bed beside her. Rhona curled into a fetal position, trying to stop the shaking. She suddenly thought of her daughter. “Justin”, she reached to grab his arm, “Where is Gracie?”

He gently eased her back down. “She’s with Anna. I walked back with Joe. He was anxious about you and wanted to come straight back after church." He paused a moment."Look, I have to ask you. You didn’t invite Mickey in did you?”

She shut her eyes and said between her teeth “No. I didn’t ask him in. I came out of the shower and he was there but…but the door was open.” She opened her eyes to see he was frowning now. “Leave it”, she was whispering now. “I’m not going to do anything about it. But if I see that weasel again I will not be responsible for the outcome. You hear me?”

Justin stood up. He had decided to cancel the afternoon shoot and told her so. Rhona raised herself up to sitting “No, you’re not. Young Al can do it.”

Justin had an arm over her shoulder and he tried to reassure her. “I wasn’t thinking of a photographer. I can’t ask you to work after this.”

She rubbed her eyes with the palms of her hands and pushed him away. “You can’t stop me. What else have I got to do all day? Now get out of my way. I need to wash.” She was struggling off the bed but he held her back with a gentle squeeze of her hand.

“If you can get yourself over to lunch let me know your decision then. You don’t have to do it.” He stood up, keeping an eye on her progress as she moved to the edge of the bed. She wasn’t as steady as she thought and reached out to hold on to his arm. “Thanks …for everything. I was petrified no one would come. Now leave me.” He nodded and left her alone.